My poor wife has been catching hell from her co-workers from having to miss work the last few days to help me with my illness. Thankfully there are 3 people there that seem to understand but the rest just frankly do not have a clue and they need to buy one in the worst way.
Here is a quick and dirty summary of the situation/problems that I am in right now:
1). I have a nasty little brain disorder gnome which consists of a balance of bipolar and schizophrenia with whom I get to "play around with."
2). Because of said illness I have trouble sticking with jobs for very long or even finding jobs.
(a). Also because of said illness I am limited to the types of jobs that I can even look for.
3). I am totally overwhelmed with this paralegal program and I am dropping assignments left and right. I can drop out of school but then we have to pay back the loan money that we were living off of immediately. Thus, without a job that scenary is not workable.
4). I am almost guaranteed disability but it takes some 6 months or longer to be able to get on disability so in the mean time we would be screwed financially. Even IF I could find a decent job there is no guarantee that I could hold on to it and HAVING a job probably would disqualify me for disability!! It's a vicious circle that I can not seem to escape from and you can imagine what all of this "spinning in circles" is doing to my mental state!! :/
Whew.
What a mess huh??
Well, anyway. This one lady who works with my wife has always basically been totally unsympathetic when it comes to my illness. I get the impression that she doesn't even believe that people have brain disorders!! Either that or she just says that a person is fine if they just take their medications.
HELLO! !
I have taken 10 different medications in trying to just "deal" with the SYMPTOMS of this major brain disorder. There is no fucking miracle "cure all" pill like this lady is implying. These medications can basically only help treat the SYMPTOMS of the illness and even then you are having to constantly "tweek" with them. Anyway, then this lady goes on to tell my wife that if we are in such dire need of money then why don't I just go out and get one of the "less desireable" jobs!! This made my wife and I both furious. She obviously does not understand that as a person trying to deal with schizoaffective disorder you can not just take any job. Plus, there is a REASON why those jobs are called "less diserable." Mainly, because people who do not even HAVE a major brain disorder do not like the jobs, do not want them and in a lot of cases can not do them. So how in the FUCK is someone like me going to be able to do some high stress, "less desireable" job.
There seem to be a lot of people out there who just do not have a fucking clue when it comes to brain disorders. They think that they know more then the doctors even who have been through extensive training on the brain and brain disorders not to mention years and years of experience in working with people who suffer from these disorders! These are the same people who just can not seem to put themselves (or care to) in other people's "shoes" and empathize at least with their situation. This reminds me of a theatre professor who told me (to my face after I had missed class due to my illness one day) that brain disorders "do not exist" and that in fact the entire field of psychology is basically unnecessary. Pretty amazing to me how many people think that way.
Anyway, I am glad that you all understand the situation and can sympathize/empathize with what we are going through right now. Your love and support and thoughts are being heard, MUCH appreciated and I am taking them all to heart. I am so SO thankful to have such a wonderful support network like you all. Thank-you dearly from the bottom of my heart.
Love always,
-James
4 comments:
Yes, I can see your predicament. It would be hard for you to keep a job if th illness "acts up".
I also understand how people misunderstand, or base their opinions on stereotypes. It sucks, but that's the kind of world we live in these days. Despite modern technologies and all that, some people really have primitive brains and tend to see mental illness as being the fault of the ill person.
Regarding your financial situation and your difficulty in holding down a job, would it be possible for you to get a part time job, so the stress doesn't overwhelm you too much, plus it gives you more time to rest?
Just a thought. Ignore me if you think I'm rambling.
Hey, I'm schizo, too! Although not enough to change my life, but just enough to keep me eternally entertained..
"Wha-? Did you guys see that?! I swear a gray ninja just dashed past us.."
"Am I the only one that's hearing music right know?"
"Okay, please tell me I wasn't the only one that heard an explosion just now.. hey, WHERE'S MY WALLET?! Dang ninjas.."
Well, anyways.. good luck? I'm never sure what to say in a situation like this.. I hope you have less bad days? I hope you find peace and joy?
I hope you open up a fortune cookie, and inside it says, "Congradulations! You have super-powers now!!! Go fight crime, you!"
I always cringe when I hear someone say that mental illness isn't real. Unfortunately ignorance abounds when it comes to brain disorders. I'll never understand why people think the brain isn't just as susceptible to disease and illness as every other part of the body.
Anyway, I can empathize with your financial struggle and job problem. I lost my job, husband and my home due to my illnesses & almost lost my daughter too. So since I had nothing more to lose I was able to get on disability.
It is a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of system. You can't work because you're ill, yet you can't afford to be off work for 6 months to get disability. Had I not already been in financial ruin, I probably would have kept trying to work despite how difficult it was & continued doing the constant job-hopping I had been.
Take care of you!
James,
Since this is a new moon and that is ripe time for hexing, I am happy to inform you your wife's co-worker will soon be growing a third tit. On her forehead. If that doesn't work, give me her address.
As for your theatre prof., he will soon be suffering from a very nasty urological disorder, but unfortunately for him all the urologists/proctologists have discovered that there is no such illness as urological dysfunction. His only cure will be having to drink his own pee first thing in the morning. You know, the one that last for 2.5 minutes.
Hang in there bud and screw them all.
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