Thursday, January 20, 2005

Want Some Speakers?

Yesterday I had one of those wacky, bizarre experiences that only seem to happen to me.

I was going about my day getting errands done and one of those errands was to go to the pharmacy to get a prescription filled and another one refilled. Anyway, I had just pulled up to the store and parked the car. I had just gotten out of the car when a truck rapidly pulled up next to my car and the window came done. Out of the window came a man's fat face and that face yelled,

"Hey, you look like a cool guy. You want some speakers??"

"Um, what??" I replied.

Then the large man jumped out of the truck and ran to the back and popped the back hatch. He then began to explain to me that they were picking up speakers for their boss in Denver and the factory "accidently gave" them four extra speakers.

"Suuure" I thought.

With lightening speed this guy pulled out a magazine that showed the exact speakers as the ones in the back of his truck. He then proceeded to show me that they were worth $1500 and that they would give them to me for half that.

Here was my next thought, "What the FUCK are they doing with a catalog if the factory "accidently" gave you these extra speakers? Where on God's green Earth did the catalog come from??" With that the guy shoved the catalog into my hand.

So there I was standing there with a medication bottle in one hand and this magazine in the other. So, the driver then looked over at the bottle in my hand and asked,

"Getting a refill?"

I replied, "Yeah, I'm schizoaffective so I take 5 different medications. Therefore I'm always going to the pharmacy for refills." (Seriously, the people at the pharmacy all know me by my first name).

So then the driver asks,

"Got any Xanax or Valium??" I said, "No, but I have Ativan which is just as good as Valium"

He perked up and asked, "Got any on you?!"

I couldn't believe my ears. The fat man was meanwhile talking my ear off about how awesome these speakers are and "how much could I give them." "Name a price" he was saying. At the same time I had the other guy asking for my hard earned drugs!

It was obvious to me at this point that I was being solicited by a couple of crooks and that I should begin planning my escape.

Fat man then said, "We really don't want to take these speakers back to the factory. We figured we would try to make some money on two of these four and then stash the other two in a hotel room for ourselves to pick up later after we pick up and drop off our boss." I looked over to the pill popper and he was just nodding like one of those bobble head dolls. Then the conversation took a darker turn.

Fat man said, "We can take you to your ATM to get some money." "Yeah, I'm sure you will" I thought. I took a few steps back as Fat Man went on, "What about credit cards? I know you've got some of them."

(me laughing and shaking my head) "No,no. I'm not going there." I had to get out of there and fast or I would be strong armed to the ATM, knocked out and left in a ditch somewhere.

Fat Man must have seen the distrust on my face because he then said, "Or we could drive you to your bank and you can take out money on a credit card."

Alarm bells were nowing ringing in my ears as loud as police sirens. Red lights flashing in my eyes and the voice behind the desk in my head was screaming,


Fat Man: "So, you don't want these?"

Me: "No, I don't. I gotta go fellas."

Fat Man: "That's a shame."

With that I just turned my back and walked as fast as I could into the store. I was worried that they would still be outside, next to my car when I got back. I planned to run back into the store and call the police if they were sitting there waiting for me.

Can you believe that?!!!

I totally was solicited to buy "hot merchandise" in the middle of the afternoon, in a super market parking lot!!!

God, only to me.

---End of Transmission---


Mathieu said...

That's freaky, alright.

Glad you escaped unscathed!

JodiGalore! said...

You are lucky you were able to WALK away! That is definately a scary situation. Being me - I probably would have toyed with them and mentioned that maybe they shouldn't try selling to law enforcement. He he. Bet they would have turned and driven away then.. Or I would have been left in my own pool of blood in the middle of the pharmacy parking lot......