I'm up to my neck in reading for school this week. I am not so sure I want to be a paralegal and this is only the second week of the semester in a year long program!
God, I am pathetic.
I don't think I am going to be able to hold down any kind of job (I haven't been able to in the past). All I can do well is be a "stay-at-home" husband and artist. Too bad those things do not pay the bills.
I've thought about applying for disability because of my schizoaffective disorder and I think I am going to go ahead and apply while I'm still trying to figure out this paralegal program. That way I will have a plan of action If I can't make this law thing go. The thing that sucks about disability though is that it doesn't pay very much so I don't know what to do. So much for the theory that some people have in that people on disability are "living high on the hog" on someone else's "dime."
I thought I could do this paralegal thing but I am already over-whelmed and feeling like I made a HUGE mistake.
I would probably kill myself but I am a Buddhist so I would just have to come back and do it over again.
You just gotta love how the mentally ill just seem to fall through the cracks. I can't seem to do anything and yet I have to do something. I am on 5 different medications and yet I still can't get out into the "real world" and do "normal" things like everyone else.
It is hard to get any sympathy from people when you are mentally ill. They look at you and say stuff like, "You look fine to me!" As if mental illness is represented by having a gimpy walk or your eyes constantly rolling back in your head. If I was paralyzed from the neck down It would be no problem getting on adequate disability and receiving sympathy/understanding from the average person.
Having a brain disorder is different. You get blown off and "swept under the rug."
Oh well. That's my vent for today. I'm not in a very good mood as you can probably tell.
Please, don't send me any snide remarks or jokes about this post. I'm in a vulnerable place right now and I might have to ban you from my blog if you do.
Sorry, it's just that I am very, VERY frustrated today with old problems and obstacles that never seem to go away. I need to vent and this is as good a place as any.
---End of Transmission---