Saturday, January 08, 2005

Iraqify-The 51st State of the Union

I found this Neologism from, "The Onion" via my friend Richard's blog. I thought that I would make a bit of a comment on this phrase.

Iraqify-To occupy indefinitely.

Well, what can you say about a term like this? Except that it is brilliant and right on the money. America might as well get it over with and make Iraq it's 51st state of the Union. I mean, my GOD!! The Iraqi War isn't a quagmire?! Pardon mon francais mais, what the hell is it then?! How about...QUICKSAND?! Now, there are a few things that will have to happen before Iraq can become an official, United State of America.

1st-The State Nickname: (i.e Colorado=The Centennial State) Here are the recommendations from GOI: "The Oil State" or maybe "The Occupied State." Or howz about, "The Terrorist State" and finally, "The George W. Bush State."

2nd-The State Tree: Hmmm. Tough one but here are the recommendations: "The blown in half palm tree," "The rifle sticking into the ground with a soldiers helmet on the butt" and finally, "The Christmas tree" (I mean, we are trying to convert them to Christianity? Right?! Isn't that the dirty lil secret that is floating around the collective brain of Jerry Falwell, James Dobson and Pat Robertson? I mean, what are really doing here? Aren't we working on an Empire? What kind of an Empire imposes a foreign style of governing without imposing a religion? Jesus, Americans sure seem at the bottom of the list of effective Empires. Sheesh.

3rd-The State Bird: O.k., I had to think long and hard about this since the terrorists and the Americans have pretty much killed/scared off every bird in Iraq. So, our only entry is that of the infamous, agile American Red, White and Blue Breasted Middle Finger bird. I'm sure the Iraqi's have their own breed of this bird but it probably isn't democratic enough for the American's-Oops I mean the Iraqi interm government-so surely it will be replaced with the American Red, White and Blue Breasted Middle Finger bird.

4th-The State Song: Here I think we all know the winning answer. Yep, the national anthem of the U.S.A. With perhaps the outside chance of the FOX News Network lead in music. Pfft.

5th-The State Motto: FOX News Network seems to have the outside edge on this one since they lost the no-bid contract to the national anthem in the State Song category. Anyway, here of course is their motto: "Fair and Balanced." The runner up being, "Don't shoot!"

6th-The State Flower: "The Desert Rose," or "White Lilies" for all the funerals.

7th-Area Code: We gotta go with "911" here.

**And finally, the State name will be changed from Iraq to "East Texas"

---End of Transmission---


Mathieu said...

I really shouldn't be commenting on this, since :

A) I'm French,
B) I don't have my work visa yet,

but i just can't resist the urge to pat you in the back.

We've been there and done that, occupying, reforming, fighting insurgents, committing atrocities that still haunt our history books, and, in the end, leaving the locals to fend for themselves. Several times. THAT's what being an empire is all about.

It ain't pretty, and it will change you. Hopefully, in the end, for the good.

Kate said...

I love this post! LMAO. Even if I'm not meant to (oops). Keep up the good work!

Kitten said...

James, James , James...THANK GOD your the cutest artist I know...cuz our politics would definatly result in some fireworks...I agree it IS an intesting "theory" though.....Hope you are staying warm , cozy and calm this weekend!


Peter said...

Hey man, I'm not going to let Iraq usurp us as the 51st state :)

And how about 'The Innashit State' for the nickname?