Thursday, January 27, 2005

Hard to Stomach

Last last night, in the fog of the being drowsy I began to notice an ache in my stomach. I figured it was just a stomach ache from eating the following: A HUGE, HUGE bowl of Pistachio Almond Ice cream, Half a bag of Cheesy Hot Cheetos, 4 cookies and a handful of Good N' Plenty licorice candies. So, I climbed into bed thinking I'd sleep it off.

Well, I didn't.

The pain got worse and I tossed and turned all night trying to find a comfortable position. I was twisting and contorting like you wouldn't believe trying to find a comfortable position in which to sleep. I felt like one of those "old school" "rabbit ear" antenna. Extending and then curling up in a ball only to stretch out again.

Now it is 8:00 in the a.m. and I still have this ache in my gut. I'm not sure what is going on but I just have this dull ache constantly in my lower right stomach. I'm pretty sure it is not my appendix but I guess you never know. The worst part is that it hurts REALLY REALLY bad when I breath in deep.

I think I pulled a muscle or something. It probably has to do with gaining all this new weight and some muscle in there just gave up.

Muscle: Fuck man, stop gaining so much goddamn weight!!! You're stretching me as If I was elastic man!! Dear GOD, what did I ever do to you to be stretched out on, "the rack" like this. Seriously though, what's with all the weight? You can't get pregnant stupid but you sure look like you are!! Is that what you're trying to do because I can't figure it out.

ME: No, no. You got it all wrong. I am gaining all this weight because I have to take these medications to help regulate the brain!! It's the most important organ besides the heart you know.

Muscle: Ohhhhhh OK. I get it now. You like the brain more then us abdominal muscles, huh? Well, the brain isn't so great. It likes to "think" its better then us "blue collar" muscles but check this out, we can cause it to regigster some serious pain! (to other muscles) "O.k., everyone, twist and shout and dance about!!!!" ***PANG!! PING!! ACHE!!*** See you ass clown??? You torture US? We torture YOU!!!! MuaHaHaHaHaHaHa ***!!!TWITCH!!!*** This is what you call a fucking strike, dumb ass. As for the heart, he's on the 'roids. Yep, seriously. How do you think he got to be the biggest fucking muslce in the body?? Steroids baby. He's juicing like Jack LeLenne's Power Juicer. He'll drop dead of a "heart attack" real soon and then we're all fucked. Do you here me?! THEN WE'RE ALL FUCKED!!!!

God, just moving around in this chair inflames the damn pain! The day hasn't even started and I'm ready to take my Seroquel and pass out. It's gotta be intense pain when even after taking Seroquel it still keeps you awake!

Maybe I'll just take a Vicodin, curl up on the couch, watch some "day-time" t.v. crap and call it a day!!

---End of Transmission---


Mathieu said...

Wow, I don't think i could eat that much these days. You really pigged out!

Take care of yourself, man, if the pain doesn't go away, see a doc. Stomach problems need to be taken care of rapidly.

Banjk said...

Yeah, watch that man! General rule...12 hours....DOCTOR!



L.L.E. said...

ugh. i can't stand those late night binges!!! i hate it when you don't pass out right away!!! i hope you just need to crap and it's not something else. my doc said that i shouldn't take the seroquel until my head is actually ON my pillow and i'm 100% sure that i'm ready to sleep. and no getting up! like that really works. pffffft. hope you feel better soon ((((((((((((((((((james)))))))))))))))))). i'm watching purple rain today and being lazy. kind of feeling glum. :(

Alekx said...

Everyone is right you need to go get it checked out. Something bad could be wrong.

My muscles are giving my brain some serious pain today but last night I worked out HARD...and my legs and abs are telling me about it today.
Let us know what the doc says

Kate said...

Hmmm, I always say wait til your next big poo and if it's not cured then, THEN you're in trouble. Sorry to be gross, but I have major stomach problems on a regular (hahaha) basis and it's all tied up. Yummy!!