Not much going on today. I went to the pdoc and he changed up my meds a bit and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm off the Celexa now and going with 5mg of Lexapro. I guess the Lexapro is a little bit stronger since I've been depressed still. Then he'd added Seroquel 300mg in addition to the Risperdal because I'm fucking loosing it with the paranoia and hallucinations (hmmm...how come I don't get hallucinations of naked women? I also get annoying noises and loud colors/images). Now that I'm taking two anti-psychotic meds (Risperdal and Seroquel) I might start sounding like a child in my posts, i.e. Saying stuff like, "Me happy...(drools on keyboard) and playing constantly with myself (Oh wait. I already do that. Hey, at least I haven't grown hair on my hands and gone blind like I was told I would if I polished the rocket as a kid.)
Anyyyyyway. On with the show.
I was in the parking lot of the pdoc after my appointment and I was going to call my wife concerning this new prescription. Just before I dialed her I locked myself into the car using the key pad with the keys already in the ignition. I did this because I'm a freak and totally paranoid. Anyway, I proceeded to talk to her on the phone and then hung up. I went to start the car and the goddamn alarm went off. I was so anxious and on edge that I bolted straight up in the air like a goddamn cat. I fevorishly hit the panic button on the key pad but the damn thing kept going off. Now, at this point I was seriously considering walking away down the street like I didn't own the car but I knew my wife wouldn't like that idea so I hung in there and kept hitting every botton on the key pad. I was even hitting buttons I new in had nothing to do with the problem. I was turning on the radio, the heat, the wipers, EVERYTHING!! So, there I was sitting in this car with the wipers, radio, heat and everything else going all while the horn was screaming.
FINALLY it shut off and I managed to peel myself off the ceiling of the car. So, then I went to start the engine and the alarm went off AGAIN!! This is the point when I seriously thought about throwing myself out into on-coming traffic to get out of this horrific situation. I could hear people up above in the apartments talking and yelling and I think I managed to get dogs barking all over town. My paranoia bit harder into my brain and I figured these people were planning on killing me. Seriously.
Another thing I considered was hot-wiring the car but I also realized that I did not know how to do that so I was fucked. I don't know what happened at that point because I think I left my body or totally blacked out but when I came to again the horn was off and I somehow got the car started without problem. I promptly sped off but my heart was exploding and my genitals had crawled up into my nasal cavities.
Good god. I'm shaking like a crack head just writing this all out. Goddamn no wonder I need 5 different medications just to drag my ass out of bed and get out the door. Well, getting out the door on a regular basis will probably require draggin around an I.V. of Valium, Ecstacy and Red Bull. Now that you mention it these are the following people I would need in my "entourage:" (this is probably misspelled but ya know what? At this point it doesn't really matter if you get annoyed with me for misspelling a word. Especially since I've told you just about every personal/private thing in my life. If you think I'm a freak show, psycho then you've probably moved on already so fuck it).
Anyway, on with the list: My wife, my lawyer, a nurse, a body guard, some bass ass rappers,* my shrink, a drug dealer,* My cool postman Diego, at least one midget,* a cop (to calm people when I begin to play with myself and smell my ear wax in public) and Jenna Jameson*
*These people are probably not critical for me leaving the door on a regular basis. I just feel that they must be apart of any group associated with me that would be called an "entourage."
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