I normally am an animal lover and I often think that I prefer animals to humans but there is a new dog in the area that has the worst bark. It barks like someone kicked it in the balls (assuming of course it is a boy dog) with this high-pitched yet off key a bit sound. This sounds worms right into my brain and starts chewing on the most sensitive, burnt-out nerve it can find. Yesterday I found myself driving from street to street at 15mph with the windows down looking and listening for where this high-strung dog lives (don't worry i'm not going to kill the damn thing...yet anyway). I have narrowed his place of residence down to three houses and I think I am going to leave a note on the owner's door. Here is what the first draft will probably look like:
Dear neighbor,
Your damn dog is pushing me towards the point of no return. No one wants that.
I am schizoaffective and all that should mean to you is that I am sometimes on the edge of going on a homicidal rampage and I am going to start with you!! (Jusssst kidding!! God, you pissed yourself didn't you? Ha.) But seriously. Will you please keep your dog inside during the day? For one it is cold outside and the poor thing is probably barking to stay warm but two it is driving me more insane then I already am.
Sincerely,
Semi-insane guy down the street.
I am sure that first edition will not pass the editing of my wife. Then there is the street cleaner. I have been up since 7a.m. and this guy has passed by the house 4 times!!! Is the street that fucking dirty?! You know these machines. They are the ones with that loud hum as they slooooowwwwwwly drive by the house. The thing is that they usually only go by once. This guy is driving by like he KNOWS I hate the sound and he's just doing it to enrage me. I think it's the same guy who owns the emasculated dog. I'm convinced of that now. I think I need to buy myself a hunting rife with a super-duper sniper scope. On second thought that is probably a very bad idea.
GOD DAMN IT!!!! Here that mother F**CKER comes AGAIN!!!! FIVE TIMES!!!! And of course he has that nice and happy beeping sound that follows his humming hunk of FBI surveillance equipment. I am going to get out of here and go buy some shit at the store or I am going to run out there and attack that guy like a raving lunatic. Sweet Jesus W. Christ!!! He passed by AGAIN!!!!! That makes 6 times. Maybe I'll back out of the garage at like 40mph and smash up his little operation. Rat BASTARD!!!
O.k., I'll be back in awhile. I'm going out to the store. Not exactly much of an improvement for me though. The super market is cousin to the dreaded Circus. Music and lights and people EVERYWHERE. Anyway, I'll report back later.
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3 comments:
Oh dear, that just made me laugh very much, so sorry. I know these frustrations... well, I'm not semi-insane but they very nearly put me there. Only remedy I found was listen to chilled music very loudly on headphones. Breathe in... and out...
Hope it all calms down for you James - take it easy! xox
Oh, I really feel that one ... I find noises really get the anger juices flowing ... The one I really, really hate is the little portable machine they use to blow leaves from the pavement (sidewalk). It is a constant hum or buzz which gets louder in bursts when they come to up to leaves and then fades a bit and so on and so forth ... and 'cause it's irregular it really gets me on edge, arghh! I just can't stay home in the daytime now, the noises you get living in a council block are too much ...
PS you should totally send the letter (anonymously) - you'd get the owner thinking at least.
I totally understand. My problem is that in houses that surround mine mostly elderly people live, who have their pets/dogs to compensate for their lack of social life, iykwim. And these dogs stay out overnight. When ONE starts barking in the morning, all the others follow. DAMN.
And don't get me started with the planes. I live some 2 miles away from the foot of the 18L runway of Bratislava International Airport.
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