Noises

I am super sensitive to stimuli (light, sound, etc.) as a result of the schizoaffective stuff. Noise, however, is probably the most annoying and aggravating. I hear the smallest noise from miles away as if it was right up flush, next to my ear. There is this dog off in the distance somewhere that has this high-pitched yet kind of "off" bark and it drives me up the wall because I can't screen it out. Not to mention the dog sounds like its barking directly in my ear. Well, so this morning the lawn maintence crew showed up to the house across the street and began going to war with their machines. They had dual lawn mowers buzzing around like helicopters in the kuwaiti desert. The worst one, however, has got to be the leaf blower. Jesus, Mary, Joseph and ALL the shepards!!! That thing sounds like a blender, a hair-dyer, a lawn-mower and a cacophony of barking dogs all mixed together. It felt like the damn thing was blowing all my brain cells around.

The other noise that really gets me are certain bird calls. Especially doves. God, they sound so depressing! They sound like they are just moaning and groaning in suicidal agony. Hell, makes you want to slit your throat after listening to that for a few minutes! The other bird that drives me insane is the Blue Jay. This is a beautiful bird until it opens its mouth to sing-or should I say, screech. The Blue Jay sounds like one of those crazy, old cat ladies who screams at you from the front porch. It is almost as if this bird is literally crewing on some raw, exposed nerve in my brain.

Anyway, all of these noises are assaulting me on the second day of road construction a half-block away. As I am falling asleep tonight I know that I am going to hear the beep, beep, beep of the steam-roller. All I can say is thank GOD for the tranquilizer Ativan. Whew...what a life saver. It takes me down a peg or two when I get all ratcheted up from these noises. It's strange too because I don't usually realize that I need to take Ativan until i'm already in a full-blown panic/anxiety attack. Oh well. I am just SO thankful for modern medicine. I can't imagine having schizoaffective disorder in the 1800's like Van Gogh. I guess I probably would have killed myself too. And on that light-hearted note...I shall end this rant.


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